Esperanza

My first day at Clinica Esperanza was fantastic. By the time I arrived at 7:30 am there was already a line of patients spilling out the door, over the deck on into the grass surrounding the clinic. I spent the day learning about common illnesses on the island and soaking up everything I could from Dr. Rapheal, a wonderful local pediatrician. We tested 3 children from malaria, thankfully none of which came back positive. I also learned that a plastic cup with a hole cut out the bottom makes a great spacer for asthma medications. 

Inside Clinica Esperanza

Clinica Esperanza

The Famous Miss Peggy with the poster in the airport that started this whole adventure for me!

I’ve also started working at the Public Hospital in Coxen Hole. There is a stark and tragic contrast between this and Esperanza. On my first day there I was horrified to open the door of what really appeared to be a shed outside the main building to find a woman with Dengue receiving a free flowing blood transfusion without any monitoring or medical personal in the room. The labor and delivery “unit” consisted of cots lined up side by side with nothing but buckets to use if they needed to use the bathroom. There was very little access to running water for hand washing. Many of the beds didn’t have linens and I was told many families just bring their own. Despite this Global Healing has started a wonderful pediatric clinic here and is working with UC Berkley and UCSF to bring greatly needed resources to the hospital.

Public Hospital

Labor and Delivery Ward

Operating Room

Global Healing Doctors waiting for patients to arrive

My week ended on a high note. We were invited to a joint meeting with all the local doctors and the Clinica Esperanza team in order to discuss emergency Medical Evacuation possibilities through the U.S. Military. They have decided to collaborate with us by helping to evacuate critically ill and unstable patients off the island to higher levels of care. This makes a life saving difference on the island for all the people living here who would otherwise not have such a chance. It’s such an incredible opportunity. And to put the cherry on top of it all they let me sit in the cockpit of the helicopter! 

Me with our Army Guys! 

Trying to look cool while not launch a missile accidentally

Reflecting on all the week I can’t get past the name of Clinica Esperanza. Esperanza is Spanish for hope. It couldn’t be a more fitting title and how ironic that it’s where I ended up. In the previous 6 months during the bleakest points of my depression, I found myself stripped of my ability to hope. The possibility of a brighter future felt so impossible I couldn’t even fathom it. Being such a naturally optimistic, positive person it was as if I’d completely loss the essence of myself. I distinctly remember the day I had my first glimmer of “esperanza”. It was simple and fleeting but for the few seconds it crossed my consciousness it felt like seeing a shooting star in the darkest night. 

Here I am six months later and I’ve launched myself into my greatest adventure yet, fully embracing a life I never imagined could be so colorful and working at “The Clinic of Hope”.

If you feel inspired to help me serve you can donate to my mission by clicking here. Every little bit helps! Thank you for your support! I could not do any of this without you!

Lions and Tigers and Pythons...Oh My!

Today marks the end of my first week in Roatan. I had little idea what to expect stepping onto the hot tarmac at Roatan’s little airport and to be honest one week later I still have no idea what to expect. 

Frenchies Key

I spent my first weekend here relaxing with some new Honduran friends. We went to a beautiful little key right off this island called Frenchies. It’s honestly one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve ever seen. After getting sufficiently sunburned we took the scooter all the way down to Punta Gorda, a Guarifuna community in the north western part of the island. 

Scooter ride

Frenchies Key

This island has such an interesting mix of cultures between the original islanders, the Guarifunas, and immigrants from mainland Honduras who moved here looking for a better way of life. The Guarifunas are descendants of Africa who migrated to Roatan after British invasion of St. Vincent in the Caribbean. They’ve managed to stay a coherent community with their culture and language left mainly intact. 

Entering Punta Gorda literally felt like stepping into a West African village somewhere. We were greeted by live drumming and Carribbean dancing. We ate dinner in under the shelter of palm fronds and grass while children as young as 2 years old were dancing around their older siblings as their parents played the drums. It was absolutely invigorating! I passed the afternoon trying to ‘shake it like Shakira’  and playing futbol barefoot in the dirt with a group of local boys. 

But it just got better...As our scooter hugged dark curves along the winding road home we came across what I thought was a large branch in the middle of the street. We whizzed by but then to my surprise we turned around and headed back to the dark shape strung across the road. As our headlights illuminated this large branch I realized, it wasn't a branch at all but a python just hanging out in the road. Snakes are not my favorite animals on the planet. So you can imagine I was less than calm as my friend jumped off the scooter, grabbed the python by his tail and drug him to the safety of some nearby brush! Welcome to the jungle! 

If you feel inspired to help me serve you can donate to my mission by clicking here. Every little bit helps! Thank you for your support! I could not do any of this without you!

Saying Goodbye

My last two weeks in San Francisco were crammed full of goodbye parties, lunches, brunches, celebratory cocktails and dinner parties. They were so full of laughter, toasts, encouragement and love. Every time I opened my email there was a letter from someone wishing me their best. I never realized how much love surrounded me! I joked with my sister that this was the closest you can come to sitting in on your own funeral while everyone talks about you! It was a high like I’ve never experienced, a warm feeling that soaked all the way to my bones. 

Family Goodbye Party

SFRRC Goodbye Party

I was so humbled and really just blown away by the incredible outpouring of support and encouragement. I couldn’t believe the generosity and love that seemed to be coming from every corner of my life. People I haven’t seen since high school, friends I met while traveling abroad, colleagues from jobs past, salsa partners I haven’t seen in over 6 years, friends of friends, people I’ve never even met all gave to a capacity that just amazed me. I felt so incredibly honored, so lucky to be surrounded by such beautiful souls. I never expected to feel so loved! 

Last Saturday Run with SFRRC

With all the business surrounding me, I don’t think the reality of what I was doing set in until Sunday night as I began packing. As I folded my clothes neatly into my $20 dollar craigslist suitcases, I was surprised by hot tears rolling down my cheeks.  The reality of leaving behind my friends, my family, Alex and the community I’d spent the last few years building, hit me hard. I didn’t feel regret but I did grieve. My grief needed the act of packing to surface. With each item I placed into my pack or decided to put into a box to store I realized the gravity of all I was leaving behind and the unknown that awaited me on the other side. In the end, after selling all my things and storing what little tokens I couldn’t part with I had 3 suitcases to show for my 34 years. I felt the loss of a life I never imagined I’d leave. 

My sister surprised me with a trip up from San Diego to help me pack

My final 24 hours were so hard. I fought back the voices telling me I was crazy, I battled the what-ifs that crept in and spun wild stories about all the potential dangers of leaving my nest, and the self doubt the that told me I wasn’t cut out for this.  As I changed into my traveling clothes I caught my tattoo in the mirror. Four arrows, one to represent each of my siblings. A symbol we all got to represent the  strength we have when we are together. An arrow is pulled back just enough, held in a temporary position of discomfort and tension long enough to find a target and then soar freely in it’s intended direction. The stretch and pull are necessary, you have to feel the pain, the discomfort of uncertainty to embrace the freedom that lies ahead. 

With this image in mind, I overcame my demons and I boarded my plane to Honduras! 

Saying final goodbyes at the airport

Roatan Aeropuerto

My Parents with their version of our ARROW tattoos! 

If you feel inspired to help me serve you can donate to my mission by clicking here. Every little bit helps! Thank you for your support! I could not do any of this without you!