Saying Goodbye

My last two weeks in San Francisco were crammed full of goodbye parties, lunches, brunches, celebratory cocktails and dinner parties. They were so full of laughter, toasts, encouragement and love. Every time I opened my email there was a letter from someone wishing me their best. I never realized how much love surrounded me! I joked with my sister that this was the closest you can come to sitting in on your own funeral while everyone talks about you! It was a high like I’ve never experienced, a warm feeling that soaked all the way to my bones. 

Family Goodbye Party

SFRRC Goodbye Party

I was so humbled and really just blown away by the incredible outpouring of support and encouragement. I couldn’t believe the generosity and love that seemed to be coming from every corner of my life. People I haven’t seen since high school, friends I met while traveling abroad, colleagues from jobs past, salsa partners I haven’t seen in over 6 years, friends of friends, people I’ve never even met all gave to a capacity that just amazed me. I felt so incredibly honored, so lucky to be surrounded by such beautiful souls. I never expected to feel so loved! 

Last Saturday Run with SFRRC

With all the business surrounding me, I don’t think the reality of what I was doing set in until Sunday night as I began packing. As I folded my clothes neatly into my $20 dollar craigslist suitcases, I was surprised by hot tears rolling down my cheeks.  The reality of leaving behind my friends, my family, Alex and the community I’d spent the last few years building, hit me hard. I didn’t feel regret but I did grieve. My grief needed the act of packing to surface. With each item I placed into my pack or decided to put into a box to store I realized the gravity of all I was leaving behind and the unknown that awaited me on the other side. In the end, after selling all my things and storing what little tokens I couldn’t part with I had 3 suitcases to show for my 34 years. I felt the loss of a life I never imagined I’d leave. 

My sister surprised me with a trip up from San Diego to help me pack

My final 24 hours were so hard. I fought back the voices telling me I was crazy, I battled the what-ifs that crept in and spun wild stories about all the potential dangers of leaving my nest, and the self doubt the that told me I wasn’t cut out for this.  As I changed into my traveling clothes I caught my tattoo in the mirror. Four arrows, one to represent each of my siblings. A symbol we all got to represent the  strength we have when we are together. An arrow is pulled back just enough, held in a temporary position of discomfort and tension long enough to find a target and then soar freely in it’s intended direction. The stretch and pull are necessary, you have to feel the pain, the discomfort of uncertainty to embrace the freedom that lies ahead. 

With this image in mind, I overcame my demons and I boarded my plane to Honduras! 

Saying final goodbyes at the airport

Roatan Aeropuerto

My Parents with their version of our ARROW tattoos! 

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